Kiss my RUT!

SO - I'm in a spiritual rut. I know this is common and that people go through it. I know exactly what I need to do to turn things around. I actually don't feel all that overwhelmed at the prospect. I know my Heavenly Father loves me, and that he's proud of the person I WANT to be. I know that as soon as I make a slight effort, He will bless me and my life will improve.

So, why can't I do it? Why don't I?

I am afraid of becoming a better person!!! :o I like being able to laugh at naughty jokes. I like watching movies that are deep, twisted, and consequently rated R. I even (oh this is so terrible to admit) like gossip and talking with The Man about other people! :o I am a rotten person! I know.

So, I have this fear that if I fix myself - if I fix my mind and my spirit and my heart, that nothing will ever be funny again. Pretty much everytime I find myself laughing, its either at a movie I shouldn't have watched, because of a joke I shouldn't have heard, or its just plain at someone else's expense.Do you see what a rotten person I am? Can I really change?

What do spiritual people do for fun? Is my quest for laughter and "fun" really the root of my problem anyway? Should I just not WANT that kind of thing?Am I completely irrational? Probably, but I think I'm finally putting into words the little glitch that stops me from fixing myself once and for all.

There, I admitted it. Now, do you think I'm a terrible, shallow, rediculous person???